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  • Sabrina Trobak

FEAR

Fear controls the majority of people.  Fear stops most people from experiencing an incredible amount.  Fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown.  The list of fears goes on and on and often stops people dead in their tracks.


Fear and Core Belief

As you remember from previous newsletters, core belief is what a person believes about him/herself.  For many the core belief is not good enough, not important, not valued and unloved.   

If a person’s core belief is not good enough, not important, not valued and unloved the person is going to have a significant amount of self doubt and in turn, will also struggle significantly with fear.

It isn’t really a fear of rejection, vulnerability, failure, being alone, the unknown etc.  The fear is about a person’s belief in his/herself to handle these things.  If the core belief is not good enough, not important, not valued and unloved, the person is generally not going to believe he/she can handle rejection, vulnerability, failure, being alone, the unknown etc.  This lack of belief in ability to handle these creates an intense  sense of fear.  Fear so intense, that for many, they avoid these, and other things things, in order to try not to feel fear.


Fear and the Brain

The brain is like a filing cabinet.  The brain makes decisions based on information stored from previous experiences.  If there is a history of failures in a person’s life, when something new happens, the brain sorts through previous similar experiences.  If the previous experiences have failed, the person will likely not want to pursue the next experience because of fear of failing again.  This is true with other areas that create fear too, rejection, loneliness, vulnerability etc. 


Coping with Fear

Thoughts create emotions so if there are fearful thoughts, the person will feel fear.  Don’t worry about trying to control the emotion, focus on controlling the thoughts….thoughts create the emotion.

“Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one’s mind.”                          Mark Twain


How to control Thoughts

Breathe….remember from previous newsletters, breathing reduces anxiety and helps calm the mind.  Breathing deeply for several minutes can significantly help stop the brain from racing and going into the fear loop of thinking.

Find a montra that you can repeat over and over to yourself when you are thinking fearful thoughts, thus creating the emotion of fear.  It needs to be whatever fits for you.  Generally something you can say when you inhale and then something else to say when exhaling.  “I can handle this” as inhaling, “I believe in myself” as exhaling is an example.  

Create a plan.  The unknown creates fear, so creating a plan helps make the unknown, not seem as unpredictable.  Having a plan increases belief in self that you can handle the situation.  This plan may even be a variety of plans, plan A, B, C, D, E etc.  Brainstorm possible situations  and then create a variety of plans for each one.  This will help you believe you can handle the situation and reduce fear.


Fear of the Unknown

If there is something new, there is no frame of reference for it in the brain.  The brain has no experiences to relate it too, it is just a blank slate.  This unknown can be paralyzing for people.

Many people will stay in the same place and do not make changes because it is unknown what it will look like after the change.

People will stay in unhealthy relationships etc because at least the unhealthy relationship is predictable.  Leaving is unpredictable ,unknown, so people stay with what they already know.  This is true for many things, job a person doesn’t like, toxic friendships, living in debt, not stepping out of the comfort zone etc.



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